You Don't Sleep..and other updates

Baby Bear~
You are home, you have been for two weeks now, and you keep mommy up so she is a zombie the majority of the time. You came home on the 8th and had your first pediatrician appointment on the 10th. When you left the hospital, you weighed in at 6lbs5oz. By Thursday, you were 6/10 (over your birthweight!!) and were measuring a lean mean 21 inches long. You are a tall & thin baby. And you have the cutest chicken legs. Who you inherited those from, we will never know. You're pretty much gorgeous all around, and everyone agrees. You still have your dark hair & dark (green or blue, we don't know yet) eyes. And you really, really like to sleep..DURING THE DAY. It's gotten to the point of being ridiculous. You started out on what I think was a normal newborn schedule during the night. You were eating every 2.5-3 hours and sleeping soundly in between..and mommy thought she was tired then. BAHAHAAH!! Now, you have progressed from being up from 1AM-3AM to being up last night from 1AM-7AM. At one point, we were  both crying. Both because we were exhausted. Mommy had had enough. Daddy had to take over about 4am, but you wanted boobies, and then a bottle ever 60 minutes. It was insane. And now, at 3:42 in the afternoon, you are sleeping like a lamb. Of course you are. And mommy is so tired that she can't sleep. Awesome. We've got to figure out how to get you to stop doing this. And yesterday, you only took 2 naps, the rest of the day, you were awake and alert. So all the the "assvice" that people have been giving us about keeping you awake so you sleep at night...Yeah, hows that working out? Mommy should go sleep right now while you are. And I will try as soon as I get done w/this post.

You love boobies..lol. Which makes mommy really happy given our (well my) supply trouble at the beginning. I pretty much feed you on demand, which is hard on me, but fantastic for you. And I know your hungry cry anywhere. Oh, and sometimes, you don't cry, you growl, which cracks daddy up. I haven't quite figured out the rest of your cries yet, because, well, you don't cry that much. I know your "I'm exhausted and fighting sleep like a Jedi knight" cry though, very well. And sometimes, you will NOT sleep if I'm not holding you. I think the parents that co-sleep might just have something there. I'm still too scared to do it all the time, but I will admit that when in my arms is the only way we're both gonna get some sleep, we do it. Although, mommy sits almost completely propped up, w/covers only on her feet holding you in the crook of my arms, so nothing happens to you. I know most doctors (and esp. yours) are against co-sleeping because of the dangers, and I completely understand that, but sometimes, it's all that works. Oh, and because you love boobies, mommy's are huge. Jeesh. Even I'm impressed w/myself and everything that btdt mommies have told me is true. My chest seems to know when you will/are hungry about 30 minutes before you wake up, and just thinking about it, makes things, uh, like leakage happen. It's not cool when there are people around, but the fact that my body KNOWS you like that, thats pretty amazing. I'm going to have to start pumping again to build up my supply for when I go back to work. That pump is the devil. I hate it. And my body doesn't respond to it like it responds to you. It scares me that we'll have to stop bf'ing when I go back to work because my supply will be so low. Ugh.

Okay, now, I'm going to try and get some sleep. Your nana came over for a visit today and daddy took her out to lunch. Today wasn't the best day for a visit, but oh well. They're bringing mommy back some MCL, so that makes it worth it. Love you!!!

Baby Bear

That is your nickname..Because of all of your dark hair..You are amazingly beautiful. Seriously. Mommy has seen some pretty babies, you top ALL of them. Really.

You are doing very, very well. Today, mommy read your records, and baby bear, you came out not breathing. You had to be stimulated, and you imm. got a CPAP. It was extremely scary and touch and go. Mommy is really, really glad that daddy kept this information to himself. When I read it today, it just took the wind right out of me. It wasn't that long ago baby, and there could have been a much different outcome. Mommy & daddy thank God every day for you, for how well you have done, how well you continue to do. It still breaks my heart that you had to be in the NICU at all, and if we never have to go through this again, that will be just fine. And on that note, today, Val, your NP asked me what I was doing on Tuesday, I responded "I'll be right here." And she informed me that, if you keep up your eating and weight gain..Then you get to come home Tuesday. Oh my goodness. This makes mommy nervous too!! But happier then anything else, and relieved. Going to the NICU all the time is very tiring, for both of us. Having you home, I think, will be easier on both of us. Also, your going to meet your doggie, Allie, we'll have to see what she thinks about you. I think she'll love you, but she doesn't know her size, so we'll have to be really careful. Grandma (and maybe grandpa) live so close that they will be living w/us til daddy is home for good. We are really lucky that they are so close. Grandma helped mommy while you were on the inside, and has been a Godsend since you were born.  Oh, and also, you LOVE to nurse. You are a fan of the boobs. In fact, you nursed for 2 hours today..lol. Mommy didn't realize you were just "snacking," and I got you completely off schedule. Oh well. You didn't need a bottle, and got all of your fill from mommy. We are naturals at nursing..pumping, not so much, but another NP explained that once you are home, we'll be nursing "on demand" probably every 2hrs, and that will establish my supply, which will make pumping, when I go back to work, easier. Oh baby, you'll be home soon, mommy & daddy and everyone else are SO excited!!!

My Beautiful Daughter

You are one week old today..How have I not posted about this? Because you decided to choose your own due date..and though that meant you got to meet mommy & daddy on your timeline, it also means your 5 weeks early..And currently in the NICU. Which scares mommy to pieces, but you are doing amazing. You weighed 6lbs9oz at birth, which is HUGE for a preemie. Had you gone full term, you would have been over 9lbs. So maybe mommy is glad you came early..You are gorgeous. The most beautiful baby I have ever seen. Raven hair and dark green eyes. You have your daddy's hands & feet and mommy's lips and nose. My goodness, I am so in love with you. I tear up just thinking about it. I hope you don't remember any of your time in the NICU. Everyone tells me you won't. I certainly hope you don't remember that I have to leave you at night. I can't help it. The hospital won't let me spend the night w/you. It kills mommy to leave every night. The first day I cried all day. And each day since, tears fall for something. But baby, don't think anything of it. Mommy just worries. You stay in the NICU just as long as you need too. Get all better. Get back to your birth weight. Get to eating all your food. That way, you can get home. You are nursing like a champ, but my supply only seems to come in when I'm near you.  When I pump, not so great. I'm supposed to pump like I would be feeding you, seems like thats all I do. But baby girl, you are so completely worth it. And my sweet darling, you have healed mommy's heart, and daddy's too. We lost 5 babies before we had you, and those 5 babies sent you us. They sent you to us to help us heal, to show us the reason why it took us so long to get to you. You are a miracle. Oh my goodness. I am just so in love with you. And you have your daddy wrapped around your little finger already. We love you baby girl.